


Blank

by hit_the_books



Series: Bitter Actions [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Coda, Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester Cuddling, Episode: s12e11 Regarding Dean, Jumping to Conclusions, Kissing, M/M, Pining, Post-Episode: s12e11 Regarding Dean, Relationship uncertainty, Requited Unrequited Love, Sam-Centric, Sibling Incest
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-25
Updated: 2017-02-25
Packaged: 2018-09-26 22:21:33
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,625
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9924485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hit_the_books/pseuds/hit_the_books
Summary: Dean tries to talk to Sam as they drive back from Eureka Springs, Arkansas, and reveals that he remembers some of what happened while he was hexed.Post episode coda to 12.11 Regarding Dean.





	

**Author's Note:**

> This was written for the February 2017 round of the [Wincest Writing Challenge](http://wincestwritingchallenge.tumblr.com/). My prompt was "I love you like a brother..." and my partner was [leahlisabeth](http://leahlisabeth.tumblr.com/).
> 
> If you haven't read the previous parts in Bitter Actions then you should probably do that before reading this. Not 100% essential, but would probably help.

“Say something, dammit,” Dean growled as the Impala rolled along.

Looking up from the Loughlin’s grimoire, Sam glanced over at Dean and gritted his teeth against what what he wanted to say. Instead of saying what he really wanted to say— _How could you pretend that the spell hadn’t worked? After all that? You fucking asshole_ —Sam straightened up on the bench seat and said:

“What?”

Dean’s jaw ticked. “Look, I can’t handle all these long brooding silences. I’m almost wishing you’d burst out with “so, get this” and tell me that the damn moon is really some Transformers burial ground at this point.”

“That was a terrible film,” Sam pointed out, a finger on the grimoire keeping his place. He hadn’t really been able to read it, there were only bits of the ancient Druid that he was able to recognize. But he was pretty sure, that with the help of the Men of Letters library and the copies he had of some of Bobby’s old books, that he’d be able to make sense of the spell book.

“I know it was a terrible film, Sammy. That’s not the point… We hardly talk anymore.” Dean took his eyes off the road for a second and looked right at Sam, as if to emphasize his point.

It had been months, but Sam could still remember the punch Dean had laid on him back at the high school that had been filled with dead demon vessels. All on the way back from their unsuccessful trip to capture Lucifer as he possessed Vince Vincente. Sam shrugged. “There’s nothing to talk about.”

 _Not the punch; the kisses, or how you threw yourself at me before Rowena showed up._ Sam went back to the grimoire and saw two words together he knew meant “bull’s heart” and he wondered what the spell was for.

“Sam…”

“Shit’s happened. Shit always happens and there isn’t anything we need to talk about, end of,” Sam snipes, anger bubbling to the surface.

“Christ, Samantha, what’s crawled up—”

Sam snapped the book shut and glared at Dean. “Stop the car.”

“There’s a gas st—”

“STOP THE DAMN CAR!” Sam yelled and Dean obeyed. The Impala crawled to a stop on the right side of the road, out of the way of any other traffic and Sam got out.

Sun high overhead, Sam stomped away from the Impala, trying to drive his fury out through his legs. But all his pacing did was just wind up the band of anger curling up inside of him. He could hear Dean approaching him from behind.

Judging his brother’s steps, Sam twisted round and swung his right fist at Dean and struck him on the jaw. Dean went down like a ton of bricks, wind knocked right out of him. Sam towered over Dean, chest heaving as he tried to get his breathing under control. His heart hammered inside his chest.

Dean spat out a glob of blood and crawled back up onto his feet. But he didn’t swing towards Sam and return the favour. A sadness welled up inside of Dean’s eyes and he looked away from Sam, gaze cast to the ground.

“I remember,” Dean murmured.

It took Sam a moment to understand what Dean was referring to. “But you told Rowena it was all blank.”

Looking back up at Sam, Dean’s eyes narrowed as he gave Sam a look torn between hate and desire. “I _remember_.”

 _Remember shoving me up against a wall and forcing your tongue into my mouth? Pinning me there until you were panting with every movement of your lips? Hips pressed to mine as you let me know just how hard you were?_ Sam’s mouth went dry as he recalled what Dean had done.

Sam looked away from Dean, not wanting his brother to see the tears in his eyes. He sniffed, and allowed himself to start feeling the dull ache in his fist that punching Dean had caused. Everything he had always wanted had been cruelly waved in front of him back in that Arkansas motel room. More so than that kiss so many months ago on the way back from LA.

A kiss Dean had refused to talk about, even when they had escaped being held by the government. Sam huffed out a breath, letting the silence envelope Dean like it had enveloped him since he been first rescued from the BMoL.

“Sam,” Dean started.

“I love you like a brother...” Sam hissed. “That’s what you’re gonna say. Isn’t it? That’s what you want to say? Why you want to talk? I get it Dean, you don’t really want anything to do with me.”

“Dammit, that’s not what I wanna say, at all!” Dean yelled.

A nervous laugh bubbled out of Sam and he snorted. “Funny, because that’s what _you_ not saying a thing since we killed all those demons and I kissed you—that’s what you not saying a thing has told me.

“Fuck’s sake, Dean. We died to get out of government hands and you didn’t say a single damn thing to me then. Or before we even captured Lucifer in the first place.” Sam shook. He just couldn’t see this going any other way. If Dean really wanted him, he would have said something by now. He wouldn’t wait until the side of a road in the middle of nowhere, or wait out until Valentine’s finally rolled the hell around in order to declare his undying love for Sam. No, Sam knew Dean and he knew Dean didn’t want him the same way that Sam wanted him.

“I LIKED IT!” Dean shouted, eyes wet with unshed tears. “Every time,” he added in a quieter voice. Suddenly Sam’s big brother seemed smaller and a little bit of Sam’s rage began to cool.

Hesitating, unsure if Dean really meant what he said, Sam took a step towards his brother. “Dean?” Sam whispered and stepped into Dean’s space, like he had at the high school a lifetime ago.

They shared each other’s breath, bodies slowly gravitating closer together. Closer and closer. Dean was the one to finally bridge the air between them, lips finding Sam’s and kissing him lightly as if to ask if any of this was okay. Sam answered by bringing his hands to Dean’s waist and pulling his brother closer, bodies flush and their hands wandering. Sam couldn’t help the way his mouth became insistent then, tongue stealing its way into Dean’s mouth. At the brush of his tongue against Dean’s, Dean moaned into Sam’s mouth and jerked his hips a little.

Dean’s hardness pressed against Sam’s, a clear line through his jeans. It was like back at the motel and then not, because Dean was all there and he wanted Sam as much as Sam wanted him.

Breaking the kiss, Dean’s eyes sparkled as he gazed up at Sam. Without a word, Dean took Sam by the hand and led him back to the Impala. They got in and Dean pulled Sam to his side as he started the car. Heading back onto the road, Dean kept an arm wrapped around Sam’s shoulders as he drove, but he didn’t say anything more.

Sam wanted to ask questions, wanted to know how long Dean had felt his way, but he didn’t want to stop whatever was happening. Didn’t want the spell to end. The sun traversed the sky as Dean continued to drive back towards the Bunker, and Sam let Dean’s warmth bleed into him. He was dizzy with knowing that this was finally happening. That Dean had revealed his true feelings for Sam.

Sam realized that he didn’t want the drive to end. Lucifer was gone and even a nephilim would take time to become a real problem, Sam concluded as he snuck a glance at Dean. No one needed them—couldn’t they have some time together to truly learn what the two of them meant to each other?

“Dean,” Sam began, ready to make the suggestion that they find a motel somewhere and just not go back to the Bunker yet.

The cell in Dean’s jacket pocket started to ring and Dean’s arm unwrapped from Sam’s shoulders. Pulling out his cell, Dean kept his eyes on the road as he answered the call.

“Oh, hi mom,” Dean said into his cell. The chasm Sam had come to expect between him and Dean started to open up again. He felt his world shift around him as Dean pulled his arm away.

The feelings were gone, like Dean had to be a different man in order to talk to his mom. Sam looked at Dean as he and their mom exchanged a few pleasantries.

“I’ll put you on speaker,” Dean announced in a dull voice.

Mary started talking about some demon she’d been put onto who needed checking out and Sam could feel Dean pulling further and further away. Whatever spell had been cast was gone. Sam stared at the grimoire he’d abandoned to the footwell when he’d made Dean stop the car. Stretching, Sam picked up the massive tome and started to flick through its contents again.

Finally the call ended and Dean stowed his cell. “Sammy?” he asked, voice seeming hopeful.

 _Does he still want me?_ Sam asked himself, turning to his brother. He couldn’t handle having his heart broken again.

Sam licked his lips and shifted on the seat towards Dean again, watching to see what Dean would do.

“C’mere,” Dean rumbled and lifted his right arm up so Sam could slide in up against him again. Fitting in snug against Dean, Sam sighed as his brother continued to drive, hopeful that time around their mom wouldn’t make Dean turn away from him again.

**Author's Note:**

> Again, depending on season 12 goes, and even the writing challenge, will affect whether I add to this series.
> 
> Kudos and comments appreciated.
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [dreamsfromthebunker](http://dreamsfromthebunker.tumblr.com/).


End file.
